Shane (26.03.2009 14:39:10): How much you bet she's farting in that picture?
Caitlin (26.03.2009 14:40:15): Not much, I'd lose.
Shane (26.03.2009 14:41:04): She's totally busting ass, and I bet it's terrible, too. Like, all the guys in the room are fleeing, except for the Brazilian with the fart fetish.
Ethan (26.03.2009 14:42:19): Now if only she'd have taken some beano.
So, I'm at work, totally working and not checking my e-mail, when this ad on Yahoo! comes up for a social networking service called fubar. According to fubar, "fubar is the Internet's only online bar and Happy Hour where the party goes on 24/7!" Based on this statement, you can already infer that this will be a site about as amusing as an online college dorm.
When you click on this ad in Yahoo!, the picture above of a female flagellating on someone's floor comes up along with a free registration from your Yahoo! account. So, I begin to type in my user information, I hit confirm and a CAPTCHA pops up, except for here, they're called bouncers (isn't that so clever?). Fortunately, it's only three characters, but was it seriously necessary to script it to come up when clicking the proceed button and not just have it there the whole time?
Anyways, I upload a picture of myself then start to browse around. The site basically appears to be MySpace, but instead of ugly teenagers, you now have drunk losers. One of the first amusing things I had noticed is that it would appear the users try to make profound statements. This wasn't amazing on any social networking site before and I highly doubt it will make anyone look any better on a social networking site which prides itself in being specifically for drunks.
The portal is like any other social website, there's even one of those annoying shoutboxes, but instead of being universal to the site, it's a shoutbox for your profile. Why is there a shoutbox if there's already public comments? There are "lounges" on the sites, which are like a groups feature. There's a block called your "Bar Tab". It shows what's going on in relation to you, within a few minutes of registering, I have someone rating me a 10 out of 10. What I'm being rated for, I have no idea, but based on the site, it's my "hotness". The user navigation block has a "Buzz" metre, which I'm assuming is good as you get more drunk, inversely proportionate to real life.
Actually, this whole site is starting to feel a little bit like how life shouldn't be. If I want to meet someone, I could see doing it online working, but why would I want to use it to hang out with my friends? If I wanted to hang out with someone, I usually just call them. Why a buzz metre? Are you getting drunk on the site? Do they update drunk? Is their writing more or less understandable than their drunken slurring?
You have levels on the site, you get points by interacting with someone else. Your interactions are capped until you gain more levels, which I don't even see a point to anyways. There are 30 levels, and with each level, you gain abilities you won't even care about. There's also a money system called "fuBucks". Their function, according to the site, is "to buy virtual gifts for anyone on fubar! Use them to either flirt, cheer someone up, or just for fun!" Which seems like, once again, a waste of time doing online.
After you get to a certain level or you fork over money for a "VIP" account, you may post "MuMMs". MuMM stands for "Make Up My Mind", it's basically a poll you can post but only leave room for two answers and one of the drunk morons can answer for you. "…just like asking a bartender at a bar a question!"
There's this lovely thing called a "midget". It's not what you think, it's a widget of your profile so you can post it on some other social networking site. It's not entirely stupid, though, cos every time someone looks at it somewhere, you get more points! Woo!
When you get to level 25, you get the choice of being an angel or demon. This apparently gives you "special abilities", but if you're at this point, it would seem like picking the path between idiot and moron.
Then, finally, there are the apps. The first is called "Secret Admirer", which has two modes of "play" (if you so wish to call it that). The first is you get to pick if you're admiring some drunk loser based on their "hotness", the other is you get to guess which one of the drunk losers think you're hot at the cost of fuBucks. The next three apps cost you money, so whop out that credit card and start making some regrets. The first app you can waste your money on is "Happy Hour". The Happy Hour allows you to basically be the user of the hour. It discounts the amount fuBucks needed in the fubar and gives you a portion of the points collected on the site. They then spam your e-mail letting you know you got points and that users you don't care about gained levels. The next is "Bling", which is an extension to the gift feature and basically makes it more retarded cos now you actually have to pay real money to use it as opposed to using real money to buy a real gift for someone in real life. Lastly, there's "fuMarriage", which basically links you to another idiot on the site, but now this idiot is your "fuSpouse". Don't worry, though, the whole experience of marriage can be felt on fubar, because you can get a "fuDivorce", which I'm assuming will be cheaper than a real one. At least this way, you don't lose half of your stuff.
Edit: If you're stupid enough to register or have already done so in the past, here is my profile. I must warn you, I probably won't ever visit the site again, though.